You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
