Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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