I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
