...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
