dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
