Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
