a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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