I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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