I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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