I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
