grandma shit on top of the toilet
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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