just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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