Screwed.edu
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
