Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
