I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
