am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
