I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
