Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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