So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
