Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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