I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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