at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
