I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
