hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
