so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
