dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
there was a trapeze. enough said
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
