So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
