stop calling my apartment porn island.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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