yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
