If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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