Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
