people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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