I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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