my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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