she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
