I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
birth control should be required to get into college
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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