Can i not drive my cunt home
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
