i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
