You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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