I could make wine with my vomit
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
