I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
