Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I cannot find my penis.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
