I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
