Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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