hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
