a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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