I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
