is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
