I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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