I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
