Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
