I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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