im six kinds of drunk right now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you traded sex for a burrito?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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