i'm signing you up for texting rehab
our cab driver is having phone sex.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
