You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
