even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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