Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
