i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
