I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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