So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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