Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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