The maid of honor just puked.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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