Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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