Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
