he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
