I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
