The maid of honor just puked.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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