My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need to calm my uterus...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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