I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
