Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
