There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
