What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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